Is This The One?
By Skye Thomas, Sat Dec 10th

Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if thisis the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I findthe right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you whatseems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain personwas my soulmate. His answer, "If you have to ask, then he's notthe one." He went on to explain that with soulmates no matterhow good or bad a day you have together, you wake up in themorning knowing without a doubt that this is the one and you goto bed at night knowing without a doubt that this is the one.Nothing that happens in between those two points can change yourmind.

Whenever I find happily married couples in their fifties orolder who have been married for most of their lives to eachother, I always ask them, "How did you know this was the one?"Every single one of the men answered the same way. They all saidthat the first time they laid eyes on the girl, they knew inthat moment that they would eventually propose to her. For everyone of those men it was love at first sight. "But why that one?What made you fall in love with that particular woman at firstglance?" Each one answers differently, but they all have a vagueunanswerable quality that the guy just knew she was it beforethey even knew what the girl's name was.

The women all said they thought the guy was nice enough, justokay, or a little goofy but not too bad. None of the women fellhead over heels right away. The women were all living a happyupbeat life and were not really searching for a husband when theguy came along. That may be a big part of the mystique thatthese women created. They were not needy nor desperate. Truth betold all of the lifetime happily married women I know are verystrong and independent, but loyal and loving women. None of themare nags nor codependent types.

The thing that all of these couples have in common is that theeach one was relatively happy and mentally healthy going abouttheir lives, their goals, and their dreams. All of them plannedto some day fall in love and get married to one person for lifebut none were attached to a soulmate type concept or ideal. Noneof these people were sexually loose but they weren't completeprudes either.

They chose not to sleep around because they had astrong sense of self-respect. Some had religious beliefs thatadded to the dynamic and others did not. All were of a mindsetthat you simply didn't whore around for the heck of it.

In all cases, the man chased the woman. You have to remember thedeep underlying needs of the male and females of our species.The man must hunt and conquer. If she's too easy to catch, thenthere must be something wrong with her. Right or wrong, men havea very deep down need to 'win' the girl. They were all upbeat,bright, kind, loving women with full happy lives of their own.None of the women were pushovers and none of the women were easyto 'win.' It was always love at first sight on the man's end,but not on the woman's. The women were not cold andunapproachable, so the men were able to charm them and 'win'them over. All of these relationships had at least a two-yearcourtship and engagement period. Their eyes were wide open whenthey said, "I do."

Were they soulmates or just lucky? It depends on how you definesoulmates. If you define a soulmate as your cosmic twin, thenI'd say no these people were very different types that hooked upand stayed happy together for life. In one example, the womanwas a devout Catholic and the husband was just sort of genericChristian. She didn't try to convert him and he respected herneed to go to mass every Sunday. No, he didn't become any moreor less of a Christian then he already was. They each respectedthe other's right to be who they were. Nobody tried to changeanybody. Who they fell in love with is who they stayed in lovewith. In another example, he was from an extremely conservativereligion and she was very lightly Christian. She completelychanged her entire way of life to be with him. She gave upmakeup, stylish haircuts, jewelry and sexy clothes to becomealmost Amish in her life with him. She never regretted itbecause he was everything to her and she came to agree with hisfamily's religious beliefs. In none of the relationships werethe couples a twin copy of the other. Yes, every one of thosecouples struggled in the first years of their marriage to find abalance between 'me' and 'we'. Every one of those couples had tolearn to listen, to compromise, to be fully present in themoment, and to show their love in a way that resonated with theother. However, they all managed to live that elusive 'happilyever after' that the rest of us only dream of.

If you define a soulmate as the right one for you, the one youwere meant to spend the rest of your life with, the onespecially designed to create 'happily ever after' with you, thenyes, they were soulmates. No matter how bad things got, thesecouples never ever contemplated divorce. They didn't staytogether because of a vow before God. They stayed togetherbecause they couldn't fathom the concept of not loving the otherone. Every morning they woke up knowing they were both in love.Every night they went to sleep knowing they were both in love.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

About the author:Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader ininspiring leaps of faith. Her books and articles have inspiredpeople of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to thepursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and businessclothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in herpajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive herfree weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go towww.TomorrowsEdge.net.